he wants to bone in the snuggie
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
