Me too!
this beer tastes like vomit already
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize