The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
In America we eat man semen.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
