So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
