I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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