I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
