I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
