i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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