I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
