so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
