Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
