I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
