I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
are you so shy because you have an std?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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