he wants to bone in the snuggie
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
There's even glitter on my cock...
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