I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
