They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
