That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
