so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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