I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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