I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
