She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
