4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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