Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
