I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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