I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
