I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
