Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
