Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Is it penis luge time yet?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
