so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize