Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
