So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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