i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
