uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
