3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize