i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize