U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
