Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I cockslap morals
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize