he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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