I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
