I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
