Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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