Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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