Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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