I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
