just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
