When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
