Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
