The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
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