remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
