Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
