I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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