I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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