could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize