I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
