just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I came so hard my ears popped.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
