im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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