Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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