please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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