Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
