Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
