i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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