Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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