Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
