I think im going to throw up on grandma
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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