someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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