I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize