I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
