so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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