Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
