In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
