Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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