Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
