Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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