A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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