Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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