What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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