Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
