Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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