I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
i think im in europe. pls send help
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