yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
