I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize