loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
