CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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