Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Randomize
