I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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